RWBY: Epic Rap Battles of History
by Derpitay
Summary: Story adopted from Le MAO XVII. Keeping it short and simple; RWBY 'reacts' to ERB videos. No AU, rap battlers will be incorporated into the world of Remnant as best as I canonically can. This will be purely humor and reactions, perfect for those post-season three vibes. Rated M; it's ERB for goodness sake!
1. Prologue

**Hi everyone! So, if you're stumbling across this story, first things first is that this is not entirely my story. Credit for the prologue goes to** **Le MAO XVII.**

 **Check em' out; the guy's got some neat shtuff on there.**

 **Another thing. Instead of making some funky-dunky AU to set this in, I will be taking select ERB's that work well into incorporating themselves naturally in the world of Remnant. Historical figures _can_ be done, but expect them later. Things like Darth Vader though? I could easily insert the Dark Lord of the Sith himself in canonical or parodical form. I can easily see something like Star Wars existing in Remnant, especially with the fact that they can't enter space due to dust-reliant tech, thriving in the cultivating light of scientific fiction. **

**This means, sadly, that requesting ERB's will only place it on a waiting queue. Things like John Lennon... maybe I'll change some letters of their name or something of that ilk. I will not cheap you guys out with bad plots, for that is not what a writer does! (hoorah)**

 **Alright. From this chapter onwards, it's my story. This prologue is mostly courtesy of Le MAO.**

 **Read on!**

* * *

 **A/N: I was planning to wait until the far future to get started on this…but the last time I did that with an idea, someone else came up with the idea as well and beat me to it. Not saying who or what story it is, but that fic now has over 1000 follows, favs, and reviews….**

 **That could've been me.**

 **Oh well. No used crying over spilled milk.**

 **Also…the first two episodes of Season 5 were just so epic, I** ** _needed_** **to get this started.**

 **I bring you the prologue that will lead to RWBY reacting to the greatest YouTube series of all time…. *cough other than RWBY cough***

 **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!**

 **Let's get this prologue over with so that I can get started on the first reaction!**

* * *

 _Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY or Epic Rap Battles of History._

* * *

 **Prologue**

* * *

Team RWBY had awoken from their grand night of sleep.

After all, they had just made it so that Torchwick had been sent to jail after the breach. Sure, there were still unanswered questions, but they took solace in the fact that bad people were now put behind bars.

And so they had retired to a night of well-deserved sleep.

When they woke up, however…well…

"WHAT THE OUM?!"

Yeah.

The shrill shriek from the white-haired heiress was enough to awaken the other members of her team, even the deep-sleeping blonde brawler herself.

"Weiss~," Ruby whined. "Why'd you yell like that~?"

"WE AREN'T IN OUR DORM!"

 _That_ brought everyone out of their sleepy state and made them look around in confusion, pairs of blue, silver, lilac and amber darting around in the dark to check their surroundings. Each of them also felt a small ache on the back of their head, but they dismissed it in the face of unknown danger.

Sure enough, they weren't in their dorm room at Beacon. Instead, they found themselves in an old, but clean, warehouse of some sort. It was sparsely filled with large boxes with minimal lighting from the small windows that barely let sunlight through, implying that they were in one of Vale's many near-empty storage areas. Their beds were nowhere to be seen, as they were lying on the floor on a small blanket each. In the center of their four mats was a table with a computer and speakers, along with a sofa that seemed very out of place.

"W-Where are we? Ruby asked fearfully.

Blake narrowed her eyes as she gazed around the warehouse, searching for anyone within. Could they have been kidnapped in revenge for meddling in affairs not their own? Was this some cruel trick by the White Fang?

"Hey!" Yang said. "All of our stuff is here!"

Sure enough, next to them were their combat attires, scrolls, as well as their respective weapons, all laid out neatly. Without another word they took up their weaponry, eyes scanning their surroundings before finding nothing but silence. They proceeded to run checks and diagnostics on their weapons; all of them were real, loaded, and primed for battle. Turning their attention towards their clothing, Yang spoke up first.

"Think we should change?"

"I'm not gonna be fighting in my PJ's," Ruby said as she grabbed her outfit.

"I'm with Ruby," Blake said as she walked over to her clothing. "But how did our things get here?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to have a serious word with them when I find them," Weiss seethed.

* * *

When they were done, eyes warily scanning for enemies as they rapidly changed, Ruby shouted into the warehouse.

"Hello?"

Silence.

"Is anyone there?"

Silence again.

…

…

…

After a few more moments, a voice, a man's from the sound of it, chirped up.

"Are you four decent?" It didn't sound like anyone they recognized, the suave voice of Torchwick was in a jail cell, and it didn't sound like an arrogant grunt of the White Fang.

Team RWBY looked to each other, with Ruby asking, "Excuse me?"

"I said," the voice reiterated. "Are you decent? I'm not coming out until you're... you know."

Weiss muttered to herself. "At least it's not a creep."

Ignoring the mumble, Ruby answered. "Um, yes? We have our clothes on..."

A hooded figure peeked his head out from behind a box.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

The hooded man stepped out and took three steps forward before speaking.

"Good. Now then…I'm sure you four are wondering how you got here."

Weiss raised her weapon towards the man, as did the rest of the team. "You kidnapped us," the white-haired huntress accusing with a sharp tongue.

"I kidnapped yo- oh, was it that obvious?"

RWBY gave him deadpan stares, from raised eyebrows to slight frowns.

The man awkwardly cleared his throat. "Right, well you may not believe me, but I didn't kidnap you for any malicious intent. And, and it wasn't me, actually."

"Oh really?" Weiss drawled sarcastically, danger still lacing her voice like poison on a dagger.

"Yes," the man answered seriously. "You see, I needed you four down here for the day and I couldn't really think of a way to convince you to come without making myself look crazy."

Their deadpan stares bore into him yet again.

The unknown man cleared his throat awkwardly for the second time in the light of four deadly huntresses-in-training. "Okay, kidnapping you probably made you think that already," he admitted. "But just hear me out, okay?"

Weiss humphed. "And just why should we do that?"

"I think me letting you have your weapons, which are loaded by the way, would make you question if I truly had any bad intent towards you."

"…He does have a point," Ruby admitted.

"We can't just trust him that fast! Who're you working for? What's your plan?" Each question was joined with a jab of her rapier in her direction, the man backing up with each one.

He rose his hands defensively. "Woah, woah, woah. I'm not working for anyone except for myself. And I don't have some super-evil plan, so relax."

"Sure you don't. I still don't trust you."

"I'm not expecting you to trust me. So how about a show on how I can't hurt you?" He removed the hood, revealing an average person's face, unmarred nor scarred by battle. Soft eyes that didn't glow didn't seem to hide malice, and he walked over to the entrance of the warehouse, turning on the lights. He was clad in nothing but normal civvie clothing, battle armor or anything of the sort not visible from the outside. Blake took the time to carefully look over him with trained eyes, trying to find bulges or edges that signified weaponry in his grey sweatpants or black hoodie to no avail.

Waving his hands around him, he spoke. "I'm not some crazy bad guy. Just wanted to talk."

"Yuh huh. Tell me why we shouldn't beat you up right now," Yang said. A cock of Ember Cecilia enunciated her point.

"Uh..." He pursed his lips. "Well, this is gonna sound really awkward." When nobody on Team RWBY said anything, he took it as his opportunity to talk. "I'm a super big fan of you guys. Like, your biggest, _ever._ " Keeping their silence, he added on. "If it helps, Ozpin was the one who... I dunno what the word is. Sanctioned this?"

Blake rose an eyebrow. "How do you know him?"

"And what do you mean, he _sanctioned_ this?" Weiss' mind was swirling with thoughts and possibilities, as was the rest of her team.

"He and I are old friends. I saved his life one day, he saved mine."

"You? You saved his life?" Even Ruby, the open-minded and light-hearted of them all, found that hard to believe.

"Feel free to ask him when you guys go. He'll tell you everything."

It still sounded too vague for Weiss, and she pressed harder. "Why don't we just call him right now and find out for ourselves?"

Shrugging, he gestured towards them with open hands. "I mean, he's not really a morning person, but sure. Go for it."

Ruby looked at her teammates, and nodded. She still kept her sniper-scythe's barrel pointed at the man while Weiss dialed for their headmaster. After a few rings, their headmaster's serene voice came from the scroll on speaker.

"Ms. Schnee? How may I help you?"

"Hello, Headmaster. I apologize for calling at this hour, but we're in quite the... predicament right now."

The headmaster replied after an audible sip of his coffee. "Ah, you must be speaking of the warehouse you're in. Has your host introduced himself yet?"

All eyes went to the man as he shouted towards them, Ozpin specifically. "I haven't yet, Ozpin. But you were right, they were wary of me at the beginning. You've been training them well so far, I guess."

A small, approving hmph came from the scroll as Ozpin took another sip, now addressing his students. "Team, this is no hostile threat, nor is this some ploy. This was my idea as a reward for your performance against Roman Torchwick and his lackeys yesterday."

"With all due respect Headmaster, getting kidnapped and being placed into a warehouse with this..." She composed herself before she said something she would regret over scroll with her headmaster. "Civilian does not sound like a reward to me."

"Ms. Schnee, I assure you that you will find enjoyment in your time today. Has he not told you that you may leave whenever you would like?"

They looked towards him, and he gestured towards the doors on either side of them. "He's right. The doors are unlocked, and you can leave whenever you want."

Weiss opened her mouth to speak again, but Ozpin interrupted her. "If that will be all then, I will be going then. Please, treat them well, my friend."

"You can be sure of it, Oz. Have a good one."

"Yes. You too." With a click and a dial tone, Ozpin hung up.

The man shrugged his shoulders again. "Leave whenever you want, the doors are right there. But it would really mean the world to me if you could stay to listen." He gestured towards the computer with the speakers. "You see, the reason I brought you all here was to watch and react to videos."

"... Okay, so wait. Ozpin told you to kidnap us to watch some videos on RemTube?"

"Come on, you guys are making it look like I'm some bad guy or something you say I 'kidnapped' you."

"You did, though," said a raven-haired faunus. She was still trying to figure out how they were moved without her noticing; she was an unnaturally light sleeper, and Yang's snores still woke her up sometimes.

"Well, it wasn't just me..."

* * *

The man handed the orangette a cooler that was hot to the touch. "The pancakes are in here."

"Ready to eat?"

"Ready to eat."

Checking the case, she skipped over to it, opened the cooler, and went starry-eyed before closing it again.

"Five gallons of syrup, and we have a deal."

"Three."

"Four."

"Alright, you've got a deal."

A cheshire grin grew on her lips.

* * *

"She drove a hard bargain..." The man trailed off.

"I'm seriously going to kill her when I get back to Beacon," Weiss said with fists clenched as the man explained.

"I can't believe she knocked all of us out," Blake murmured to herself. _I've lived for years on the edge... how did a syrup-fueled Valkyrie get past my senses?_

"If it brings you any peace of mind, I didn't touch you guys at all. Like, at all. Your friend helped with all the heavy lifting. She's super strong."

An awkward silence passed between the man and the four huntresses-in-training, the revelation that Nora sold them out for a stack of pancakes still going through their mind.

Strangely and sadly enough, it made sense that pancakes would work for her.

Yang spoke first. "Okay. Ignoring the fact that I'm gonna have a _chat_ with Nora about her lack of willpower, you said you wanted us to... watch some videos?"

"Yeah!" He looked eager once more. "You girls... uh... ever heard of Epic Rap Battles of History?"

Weiss and Blake tilted their heads at the name, while Ruby and Yang had a flicker of recognition light in their eyes.

"Wait, you mean _that_ Epic Rap Battles of History?" Ruby looked excited beyond belief to the point where she was bouncing up and down rapidly. Weiss just gave her a strange look. "You want us to watch it?"

"Ruby? Do you know what he's talking about?"

"Yeah! Epic Rap Battles of History is that really famous series on RemTube!" Weiss just rose an eyebrow, and Blake asked the verbal form of the heiress' expression.

"What's it about?"

"It's just some guys and gals from history or games rapping against each other," Yang answering for her sister.

"Rapping _against_ each other? What?" Weiss was even more confused now that she found out what the series was.

"Well, have you ever seen Star Wars?"

"That nerd flick? Of course not."

Everyone in the room except Weiss either gasped, reared their head, or raised an eyebrow.

Surprisingly, Blake asked first in an incredulous tone. "Really?"

"It's full of scientific nonsense and useless babbling. Who would be so stupid as to believe in the 'force'?" She used bunny ears just to mock the term.

"Star Wars is a great installment and a pillar of light in the sci-fi community, Weiss!" Stomping her foot and shooting clenched fists down, Ruby was putting on a fighting voice, yelling at her partner but achieving nothing but sounding cuter.

"Yeah, even I liked watching it," Yang said with two thumbs pointed at herself. "'Sides, there were some good lookin' people in there..."

"Yaaaaang!..."

The man just watched the conversation go back and forth between the four-woman dynamic. _It's everything I thought it would be. Interesting..._

 _Now's not the time for daydreaming though, man. Oz said to get them back to Beacon before the end of day, or I won't get JNPR..._

He cleared his throat, directing all eyes on him as Ruby and Weiss were engaged in a heated battle over the awesomeness of FTL travel. "Ms. Schnee, everyone. The faster we get to the videos, the faster you can see what I'm talking about."

She crossed her arms. "Hm. Just to be clear, we can leave _whenever_ we want, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And we can come back if we'd like?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"Then I'm going to the restroom, because I doubt this place has facilities," she said with a gesture around.

"Oh. Shoot, I forgot about that. Uh, yeah, you guys should probably do that."

"Closest restroom?"

"Diner across the street."

"Closest _clean_ restroom?"

"Uhm... Beacon?"

"Ugh." Weiss just shook her head as she walked off, muttering something about how a Schnee was being downgraded to peasantry already.

"Looks like we're gonna have to hit the town for lunch too!" Yang just grinned, while Blake just shook her head.

"As long as we don't go to that pizza place again, I'm okay."

"Oh come on, you just didn't like it because they didn't have anything fish related."

Her raven-haired partner looked away slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

By this point, Ruby had already sheathed her weapon, and walked slowly up to the man as if it were a doe to be startled. "Sir?"

"Yeah? And uh, don't call me sir. It makes me feel old."

"Heh, my uncle says that too... so what's your name?" Innocence and cheerfulness shined through in her facial expression and eyes, a heartmelter by definition.

"Just call me Mao."

"Gotcha... Mao. Nice to meet you!" She stuck out a hand for a shake, and he gladly obliged.

"So, you've already been introduced to the ERB series before?"

"Yeah! Like my sister said too, we both love the show. I had to search some people up on the internet, some of them are _really_ old."

"History does go ways back though, so it's kinda expected of them."

"Yeah..."

"Are you and your sister okay with rewatching some of them?"

"Oh, yeah! It's been a while since we've watched them anyway. So, when can we start?"

Mao smiled at the enthusiasm. "Right now, if you'd like."

"Oh, sweet! Yang, Blake! We can start right now!"

"We're not gonna wait for Weiss?" Blake asked, monotonous voice only hinting a sliver of a questioning tone.

"Nah, she's a party pooper anyway. Right Yang?"

"Yeah, _Weissicle_ doesn't exactly do well at parties."

"Oh, Weissicle! That's a good one, sis."

She gave a smug grin. "I know."

Mao gestured towards the computer, the lone piece of technology in this room other than their scrolls. Ruby immediately recognized it as one of the newer models, and made her discovery vocal.

"Is that the new Atlesian 8700x desktop?!"

Mao looked surprised for a moment as he walked with their team leader towards the computer. "Uh... yeah. How'd you know?"

"She's a huge nerd when it comes to anything technology," her sister answered as Ruby ran over to the desktop and started fawning over it, zipping about in rose clouds to examine each and every scroll port, sleek line, or button.

"I thought she was only a weapon's nut..."

She popped the 'p'. "Nope."

"Huh. Well then, I guess we can start."

"Ooh! Ooh! Can I start it up?"

He gave a small smile. "Sure."

She found the power button right away on the top of the computer, and it flared to life immediately, bringing the monitor online with it. An ERB video was already loaded up, and Ruby fell back onto the sofa behind her without even looking, landing in the corner with an 'oomph.'

"Alright guys! Let's get this show on the road!" Yang and Blake just looked at each other. The former just shrugged and gestured with her head to follow, and plopped down on the sofa next to her sister. Blake sat down next to her.

"Yaknow, I could get used to getting this for a reward. Just get some food and we'd be golden," Yang said while stretching back in her spot.

The man took control of the mouse, and looked at them. "Ready?"

Ruby nodded her head vehemently, Yang grinned, and Blake just gave a small nod.

"Go for it, Mao!"

He clicked the un-pause video, and those fated words played over the speakers.

"EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

* * *

 **A/N: And with this prologue out of the way, I can now get started on writing out their reactions to the rap battles.**

 **Also, depending on how I write out the videos or how the reactions will go, these chapters may actually be short, possibly around 2000-3000 words. And I'll be looking at both the videos and the ERB wiki in order to get the lyrics and what happens down. I'll also be looking at those polls they did to see who the majority thought won each battle.**

 **Who will side with who in John Lennon vs. Bill O'Reilly? Who of Team RWBY think that John Lennon won? Who will think that Bill O'Reilly won? And how exactly will they know enough about the characters in ERB to get the burns?**

 **You'll have to wait and see.**

 **Be sure to follow and fav for future updates. Leave a review about your thoughts on this new reaction fic.**

 **LATERS!**

* * *

 **Now for my notes. I know that Weiss isn't there right now, and that is not a plot oversight. She's gonna be getting some... comic relief.**

 **I like toying with them too much. Am I sadistic?**

 **AM I?**

 **...**

 **guys, i'm asking you questions here.**


	2. SURVEY FOR THE NEXT BATTLE!

**Hello everyone!**

As of this moment (or close to it), a survey should be making itself available on my profile.

I have put on specific options there on purpose due to my plans on tying in characters into canonical events in Remnant (The Great War and Hitler, for instance), but a miscellaneous option is on there as well.

Got a real itching desire for... I dunno, someone who isn't on that list? Well, go for it! Just be sure to PM me the choice in mind when you pick miscellaneous, and if it garners enough votes I'll devote more attention towards it.

I'll see you all this weekend fam!

Much love, much love.


	3. Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood

**My notes:** **Instead of how the series works by just getting into the rap, there will be a small intro, like how Death Battle does it. Well, sorta. Obviously I won't be focusing on their combat potential.**

 **Heritage, race, and professions will be tied in canonically into the world of Remnant; the intros are the only way I can see it working unless I insert some awkward convo in the middle or end of the rap. The plot must go on, and continuity must exist!**

 **I WILL NOT FAIL YOU, DEAR READERS!**

 **8/14: Revised because Yang and Blakey were more stuck-up than our favorite heiress that Weiss herself cringed. That's saying something, man.**

* * *

"IN THIS CORNER, WE'VE GOT THE LEGEND FROM SOUTHERN VALE HIMSELF, BRUCE LEE!" A picture was brought up to the screen, detailing his naked upper body performing multiple feats of strength, agility, and…

"Awesome…" Yang and Ruby murmured to themselves. The gif just went over a recording of the infamous one inch punch blowing away an Ursa. Literally; it actually separated the torso from the other limbs. Their father, Taiyang, was a huge fan of Bruce Lee; his fighting style of utilizing kicks and punches instead of bullets and blades was adopted into the family, from her father to Yang herself. Meanwhile, Blake just looked at the man with a raised eyebrow, expression unreadable as per usual.

On the side of the pictures and gifs, a list of feats was listed, each narrated by an over-excited host.

"HE'S RENOWNED AS ONE OF THE BEST MARTIAL ARTISTS EVER TO LIVE!" Ruby squealed in excitement, fists shaking above her chest. Even if she wasn't an expert on hand to hand combat, it still looked pretty cool to watch. "Inventor of Jun Fan Kung Fu and the man responsible for bringing nunchucks into the spotlight, he was one of the heroes of the Great War, fighting not for power, but equality! A leading figure for both humans and Faunus, he is still celebrated as one of the greatest men to grace Remnant. One of his most notable feats was the infamous one inch punch, which contained enough force to level a building and crush the shell of a King Taijitu!"

"Impressive," Blake said to herself, attitude contrasting to the bumbling, fangirling partners on her team.

"His legacy proves to be a worthy opponent of our most famous Vacuan cowboy himself!" The screen transitioned to an image of a cowboy, and Yang booed.

"Booo! You look pretty hot but boooo!"

Ruby, embarrassed by her sister's care-free choice of words, ducked her head again. "Yaaaaang!"

"Clint Eastwood was a rough and tough man, fighting for Vacuo in the great war with a sharp tongue, cocky attitude, and loaded pistols. His attitude towards life was gritty at best, finding no issues in issuing racial slurs to those from any of the nation's, Faunus-kind alike." Blake resisted the urge to hiss at the man's picture. "Renowned as a wise-cracking womanizer, he never leaves unless he gets the final word in. However, his name wasn't made due to his loose tongue or charming attitude. Renowned as one of the best gunslingers to ever live, he made his way into the books of history in the same way his opponent did; through combat. Sadly, he's been going through a rough turn with nostalgic amnesia."

"Serves him right," Blake said.

"Yeah, I can see how he can be a pretty mean person…" Ruby trailed off. "But his guns look sooooo cool! It looks like Weiss' dust chamber, but it doesn't!"

Yang smirked and opened her mouth to say a dirty joke, but Blake just put her hand over the offending object without looking, Yang prying it off with a grin.

"C'mon Blakey, she's gotta learn about…" She snickered. "Guns eventually."

"If you have to, I don't want to be nearby."

"ALRIGHT!" The sudden burst of energy made the girls jump up in their seats, the man opting for standing to the side while watching. "LET'S GET THIS RAP BATTLE STARTEDDDDDD!"

Lilac eyes flared open, and she pushed her hands forward in a stopping motion, waving them. "Wait, wait, wait pause the video!"

Their host rushed over and clicked just as the video was transitioning to what looked to be a dojo with a man in a yellow tracksuit opening his mouth for the start of a bar.

"What's wrong?"

"Is there… mature language in this?" Yang was acting differently, voice quieter and tone softer as she spoke. Blake hadn't really seen much of this side from her, but she knew that it was just her big sister reflexes coming into place.

However, Ruby certainly didn't think that it was necessary. "Yang, I can handle some bad words!"

"No, you can't, Rubes."

"Yang, I'm not a little girl anymore!" She was pouting again, bottom lip stuck out and cheeks puffed, unknowingly making herself look just like a little girl.

Yang crossed her arms across her chest, tilting her head down and looking at her. "I didn't let you listen to the bad words when we first listened, and I won't let you this time either."

"But that's not fair!"

"Fine. Tell me what's the worst word you know."

"Uh... Dag-nab-it! That's already, like, super bad!" Everyone in the room just blinked at her, and she noticed. "Right?"

Blake was only to make a small, 'uh,' noise, unable to find words at their team leader's revelation.

"Oh, oh, you mean like, crap! Right? Eugh, that's pushing it though, even for me."

Yang blinked a few times, and then looked at their host, who was just standing there eyes widened. "Hey, you. I think I heard Rubes call you Mao, right?"

He snapped himself out of it, shaking his head at Ruby's lack of expertise on cursing. "Yeah?"

"Is there any way you can find the clean version of this?"

"Hmph… alright. But it does take out most of the fun to hear the-"

"Do it, Mao." Yang's semblance activated for a slight moment, the air in the warehouse suddenly feeling a few degrees hotter. "Or else."

He gulped. "Gotcha." Searching up the clean version, RemTube yielded results immediately as it usually did, and he clicked on the video. Mouse hovering over the play button, he looked towards them again. Ruby still had her arms crosses in that little pout of hers, Yang nodded, and Blake followed suit.

* * *

(for the sake of you, the audience, I will keep the swears. Rubes will not be hearing them though, so just use your imagination and pretend that motherf**kers is like, mothertruckers or something like that.)

Words marked in asterisks are changed lyrics.

* * *

 **Bruce Lee:**

 **I got the baddest fists of fury that the world ever saw!**

 **Defeat whole karate schools and motherfuckers with claws!**

Ruby squealed, mumbling to herself. "I remember watching a scroll vid about that..."

 **How can you talk more shit with my fist in your jaw?**

 **Don't need words to serve ya; I'mma just say, "Waaataaaw!"**

Yang grinned and threw a punch in the air as he did.

 **Your moves*, they bore us, they're slow as a tortoise!**

The blonde threw out an, "OH," in the beat of the rhythm

 **I'm the king of nunchucks; I fucked up Chuck Norris!**

 **I invented Jeet Kune Do, so taste my slipper shoe!**

 **Here's my two finger push up: Kung F-U!**

Yang just snickered and smirked at the blotted out cuss words, Blake rose an eyebrow, but Ruby was still impervious to the censored material, eyes still glued on the screen as her elbows were propped on her knees, chin in her palms. Her eyes were immediately looking at the revolver Eastwood was carrying as the scene transitioned to a western town, identifying each and every part along with the model and time it would take to reload in a split second.

 **Clint Eastwood:**

 **You scream like a girl and got moves like a dancer,***

 **But I'll rip through your ass faster than a Pu-Pu platter.**

Blake kept that same raised eyebrow.

 **You're in the gym too much, buddy*, perfecting kicks.**

 **You should spend more time matching your voice up to your lips.**

Ruby snickered, thinking about Bruce Lee's strange shouts and noises that he made in combat.

 **You don't belong in a fight, you belong in a sweatshop.**

 **So go ahead…make my SchneePod.***

 _Oh look, racial slurs,_ Blake thought in derision.

 **Those little dances you do don't threaten me, Bruce.**

 **Fuck you, dude. I even squint better than you!**

Blake just narrowed her eyes. Even Ruby seemed to have caught on, as she winced at each slur, the censoring not covering them.

 **Bruce Lee:**

 **I beat the good and the bad; you must be the ugly!**

 **I would mess up your face, but your momma did it for me!**

"Burn!" Yang yelled with a fist pump, nearly knocking Blake from her seat with the explosive energy.

 **Go tug your pistol for a fist full of your _Million Dollar Babies_!**

Ruby tilted her head. "What're million dollar ba-"

Her sister clamped a hand on her face. "Shhhhh!" Ruby pried it off, filing the question for later.

 **You were cool in the wars,* maybe, but now you're just crazy!**

 **A man who argues with people who aren't even there**

 **Is more fit to rap against this fucking chair!**

"OOOHHHH!" Yang threw her hands in the air and brought them down with a gesture down. Blake just looked at her and moved away slightly, this being the second time she's been put off-kilter due to her partner's flamboyant attitude.

 **Clint Eastwood:**

 **Do you feel lucky punk? That's what I'm asking.**

 **You can't be too tough; you got killed by an overload.***

 **And your one-inch punch, same size as your pecker.**

Again, only Yang and Blake understood the joke while Ruby was left in the dark as the word 'pecker' wasn't considered a censor-worthy word. The former snickered and the latter just frowned even more.

 **Leave the rapping to me; stick to South Valean* checkers.**

 **I'd beat you in round two, but that'd be unbelievable.**

 **No one in your family ever lives to see a sequel.**

As the beat slowed down, an all too familiar voice shout-spoke to them.

 **"WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECID-"** Mao had already paused the video, and looked to R_BY.

"It's just filler after that. So... what'd you guys think?"

"That..." All eyes went to the red-tinted brunette. "... was freaking AWESOME!"

Yang and Blake spoke up first and at the same time. "What!?"

"That Clint guy was like, pow pow pow! He shot those guys so dead!"

"Ruby, were you just looking at how he was shooting people?"

"... Maybe..." She was toeing the floor awkwardly with the toes of her boot.

Blake shook her head. "The words that... cowboy chose dredges up bad memories."

"Yeah, I'm with Blakey," Yang said with conviction. "I mean, his flow wasn't bad, but he was just..." She just grimaced. "Low blows, man." Her mind went back a few moments to recollect the lines. "Literally."

The man cleared his throat, and the three pairs of gunmetal, lilac, and gold went to him. "Remember, ladies, that while they may be insulting each other on a... sensitive level, that's the nature of these battles, and it won't be avoided no matter the censoring. The goal is to insult each other more than the other; no arms barred." He scratched the back of his head, a pose reminiscent of their local tall, blond, and scraggly.

A moment of silence passed by as they thought, and Yang spoke up. "Yeah, you're right. If we're goin' by insults alone, I guess... Mr. Hot Cowboy wins in my book."

"Yaaang, stop calling him that!"

"Oh, come on Rubes. You can't tell me he's _not_ easy on the eyes..." Their team leader didn't say anything as she just looked anywhere but the screen or her sister, red tint off set by the highlights in her hair.

Laughing, she continued. "But I still like Bruce."

A more quiet voice spoke up. "If we judge this on insults alone, Clint won." They all nodded, and she continued. "That doesn't mean I like him, though."

Ruby piped up, embarrassing moment already behind her. "Don't worry Blake, it's not real! They're just here to make fun of each other!" Ruby beamed a smile, and Blake slightly curved her lips as a response.

"I guess."

Suddenly, the creaking of a massive warehouse door revealed one certain heiress who looked slightly less prim and proper as she did before, fists clenched. As she walked towards them, heels clicking on the floor, she looked straight back at them with eyes filled with daggers and spoke in that same, haughty voice.

"What're you looking at?"

They all looked away and pretended to be doing something else.

"Oh, uh..."

"Neat squirrel out there."

"Is that a fly?"

"Oh look a Lien..."

Weiss just shook her head. "I see that my caring teammates started without me."

"Aw, come on, _Weissicle_!" Yang didn't even try to hide the fact that she was making a pun on her teammate's name. "It's all in good fun!"

She put her hands on her hips. "Did you just call me _Weissicle_?"

"Yep!"

"... I'm going to forgive and forget once." Looking towards the other members on her team, she posed her question. "So, what happened while I was away?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just listened to a kick-butt rap battle!" Ruby threw a fist of excitement in the air, and she looked towards Blake for a more composed answer. She just shrugged.

"Nothing special." Her answer was short and curt.

"I see. So, I didn't miss much?"

"Nah. Wanna have a seat? We can keep this train rollin'!"

Weiss moved to Blake's side, and gestured. "May I?"

The cat faunus gave her a smile. "Of course, Weiss."

Poise and grace her natural attributes, she sat down comfortably and looked towards their host, who was just standing there awkwardly.

"Are you just going to dawdle around, or are you going to show us these videos?"

That struck him out of his stupor. "Oh, uh. Yeah, yeah."

Moving his mouse and clacking on the keys, he loaded up the (clean) version of the next video.

* * *

 **That's the end of the first reaction! This was actually second on the list, with Darth Vader vs. Hitler in first place (by a lot holy crumbles), but I wanted Weiss to be there for that one. That one deserves to have all of RWBY react to it.**

 **The next chapter will be coming within the next few days, along with an extra chapter on where Weiss was. It'll be optional for you to read if you're only here for ERB.**

 **Now, here's a dirty omake.**

 **I'm so sorry.**

 **So sorry.**

* * *

"That Clit guy was all like, pew pew pew, and they were like, AUGH I'M DEAD!" She flopped over in her seat. "And now I'm dead."

Yang and Blake, however, were stunned for a different reason.

"Rubes?"

Shaking herself out of it, she looked back up at her sister; namely her twitching eye and shocked expression.

"Yeah? What's wrong, Yang?"

"What... did you say his name was?"


End file.
